Past the Party: Making Real Connections at Uni

University is often painted as a crazy whirlwind of parties where you’ll immediately make friends for life. However, the reality is often more complex, or even lonely. It can be challenging to balance your social life with academic commitments.

Developing genuine friendships is an important part of your uni experience that shouldn’t be neglected; while it does happen naturally, you will also need to put in effort to strengthen your bonds and build a strong friendship group.

In this guide, we’ll cover various approaches and tips for making friends at uni, and building real connections and meaningful relationships.

The post-Freshers reality#

Freshers Week will typically be the most hectic time in your entire university experience, and you may be overwhelmed by how many people you’ll meet. You’ll get to know your flatmates in your uni halls or private accommodation, discover a range of clubs and societies, and maybe even start meeting your coursemates and lecturers. The calendar is packed with events including orientations, meetups and parties, providing countless opportunities to meet people and make friends.

After the first few weeks, people will start to settle into their academic schedule, and things will calm down significantly. It’s perfectly natural for it to feel more challenging to make friends after Freshers Week, but you haven’t missed the boat! There are loads of ways to make new friends in normal uni life, so don’t panic if you haven’t found your people by the end of week one.

Connecting with coursemates#

Once things settle down and you start attending lectures and seminars, a whole new social circle will open up to you. You’ll have plenty of chances to get talking to your coursemates, and you’ve already got something in common! Consider suggesting a coffee or lunch with fellow students after class to get to know each other, or just chat about how you’re finding the course.

Alternatively, you could set up (or join) a more formal study group, allowing you to bond over your shared academic goals and help each other out with assignments. You’ll get a lot out of social study and collaborative learning, and this moral support will be invaluable when essay deadlines and exams roll around.

While you’ll probably end up sitting with the same people in class, don’t be afraid to mix it up and sit with new people from time to time.

Joining societies and sports clubs throughout the year#

Sports clubs and society events are a great way to meet like-minded people, or try something that gets you out of your comfort zone. While there’s a chance you’ll have missed tryouts for some sports teams, many clubs and most societies will accept members throughout the year.

If you didn’t sign up at Freshers’ Fair, just get in touch about dropping in; generally clubs and societies will always be grateful to have more members. If intake is limited for whatever reason, there’s normally a second chance to join at the start of the spring term.

Making use of communal areas and living spaces#

Although it might sound obvious, try not to spend all of your time in your room! Hanging out in the kitchen, lounge, or other communal areas gives you a chance to meet and connect with your flatmates – even the ones you might not have clicked with during Freshers.

Here’s another handy tip: keep your bedroom door open from time to time so people can drop in for a chat. While you’ll need to completely focus on your studies during busier times, sometimes a quick chat can offer a fresh perspective or even a much-needed laugh to break up the intensity of studying.

While the academic calendar will be full of events and opportunities to meet new people, that doesn’t mean you can sit around and wait for people to come to you. Instead, make sure you take the initiative to invite new friends out for different activities, whether that’s a shopping trip, a quick gym session, or just to explore your uni’s surroundings.

Don’t just limit yourself to one-on-one activities; making the effort to organise group gatherings and outings can help build a strong social circle, which is useful when it comes to finding housemates for your second year.

Volunteering and part-time jobs#

Your university social life isn’t confined to lecture halls and workshops – you can also meet wider circles of people with a part-time job or by volunteering for the causes you care about.

Part-time jobs offer a chance to meet people from outside of uni, including both colleagues and customers. They also provide an opportunity to make extra money and develop skills. Volunteering, on the other hand, allows you to connect specifically with other students who share your passions and values. Whether that’s environmental activism or working with a charitable cause close to your heart, you’ll immediately have something important in common with the people you meet.

Of course, juggling work, volunteering, and studies can be tricky. It’s important to be mindful of your schedule and commitments, as spending more time on one area (such as volunteering) will mean tradeoffs in other areas.

Gone are the days when all mingling was done in person, whether that was in the pub, lecture hall or cafeteria. Nowadays there are various platforms online you can use to meet other students, making it easier than ever to find your people.

Here are just a few ideas to get you started:

- Follow your student union on social media so you hear about upcoming events

- Join a WhatsApp group for your accommodation so you can get to know your neighbours and make group plans

- Join any groups for your course so you can get involved in discussions relating to academic topics and assignments, or set up specific chats for group projects

- Join Facebook pages and groups to meet other students with similar interests

Naturally this will all sound very straightforward for the extroverts among us, but for some people the fear of rejection or awkwardness can be paralysing.

Here are a few tips for getting talking to your coursemates, flatmates, and other students:

- Context cues: Commenting on shared experiences, like a lecture topic or club activity, are easy, low-pressure ways to start conversations with fellow students.

- Open-ended questions: Questions like “What did you think of that class?” invite conversation without demanding it.

- Practice makes perfect: The best thing you can do is just to keep practising – conversation and relationship-building are skills that can be developed just like any other.

These aren’t high-pressure interactions! If a conversation doesn’t go well, it’s not the end of the world. Just keep trying, and it will get easier over time. Also, remember to be patient, as friendships at university rarely form overnight. It’s normal to feel like everyone else has already found their people, but most others are actually in the same boat!

Maintaining and strengthening friendships#

Even when things get hectic with exams, don’t forget how vital it is to nurture your friendships. A quick message, a short call, or grabbing a coffee between study sessions can go a long way in keeping connections alive. These relationships make up your support system when you’re far from home, and play an important role in your mental health (and the same is true for your friends).

Equally important is being authentic and allowing your friends to see the real you, even when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Showing a genuine interest in their lives, whether that’s when you’re listening to them talk about their passions and hobbies, checking in on how they’re doing, or even celebrating their wins. This will all help to strengthen your bonds with your flatmates and coursemates.

Going forward#

The most important thing to remember is that Freshers Week is just the beginning! Not everyone will find their best mates at uni in the first week or two; in fact, most students will find like-minded people and build genuine connections throughout their time at university. Some of this will happen organically, but you can improve your chances by being positive, proactive, and open-minded.

We hope you embrace the journey ahead with curiosity and confidence. University is a time of growth, socially and personally as well as academically. You’ll have a whole community around you, and plenty of opportunities to meet new friends. Just take the pressure off, give yourself time, and make the most of your time at uni to make lifelong connections.